You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
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You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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