Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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