Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
