there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
