You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
