my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
