I could have mohawked her pubes.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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