i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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