She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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