I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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