I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
