If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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