Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
we have pet lesbian snakes
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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