when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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