Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
