i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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