Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
