I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
