my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize
