it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
where are my eyebrows?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
