I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
