I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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