My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
