i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
