i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
