I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
