youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
