I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
