i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
