I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize