I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
