She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
