I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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