Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
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