Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
