That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
