Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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