I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Houston, we have a blender
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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