Princesses don't give blow jobs
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There's always time for handjobs
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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