doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
how drunk are you?
Several
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
