so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize