Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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