Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
