When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
