I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
God, I missed his penis.
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