help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
