That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
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My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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