Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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