I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
