if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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