I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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