They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
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The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize