I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
