Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
