Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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